The, Seemingly Endless, Winter of Our Discontent: Russia at a Glance.

For years now, Russia has had three primary cultural staples, AK-47s, vodka, and tears. This is of course a big improvement from the days of Soviet Russia when tears required a permit, and smiles were owned by the state. Yet, recently some in the Duma, Russia’s parliament, have proposed banning smiling all together. This proposition, however, is at odds with the Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin. Mr. Putin does not frequently engage in smiling, but banning the practice all together would be far too limiting for the Prime Minister. Mr. Putin enjoys going out into the woods ripping off a t-shirt, leaving him clad in only camo-pants and bulging man-muscles, and then proceeding to wrestle bears (or morbidly obese Russian Women). After his certain victory the leader may choose to tie a bandana around his head, squeeze his perky nipples, and crack out a good old fashioned smile. The Former President will then pose for the tabloid photographers. In fact, the Russian government is one of the few in the world to directly fund the tabloids. Previous tabloid headlines include such heart-warmers as, “Vladimir Putin: Space Warrior,” “Presidential Sperm Used to Conceive New Jet Engine,” and “Hairless Monkey Obama Suckles from Medvedev Teat.”
Even if Russians will still be able to smile well within the confines of the law, and even if, tabloids are excessively optimistic, there are many reasons for Russia to be a big Mr. Frowny Pants. The nation is suffering from a lack of economic diversity, and thus a high dependence on Oil and Natural Gas. In fact, this dependence has resulted in significant GDP decline in recent fiscal quarters because commodity prices have deflated. Russia’s economy did well during the boom years, but with the global economic recession in full swing, the underlying problems in Russia’s fiscal order have been exposed. Russia’s economy is highly out-dated. Moscow may be the city with the fastest growing rate of high-class car imports in the world, and the skyline might be burgeoning with shining sky scrapers, and as the night life blooms in fancy new restaurants, but the rest of the country is well below the socio-economic standards of the rest of the developed world. Russia struggles from a scarcity of small business, and upward social mobility. Even the industrial sector has grown increasingly inefficient and often, downright dangerous to the practitioners and the community at large. Looking even further though, the Great Bear’s society is somewhat depressing. They have a very low birth rate, and thus a rapidly shrinking population, which is quickly graying. The older Russian age bracket will be burdened greatly, given their nation’s virtually non-existent social safety net. In addition, Russia faces the fastest spreading HIV infection rate in the western world, not to mention grossly inadequate health care. The nation’s education system is also failing to prepare the next generation to compete in the world, and huge segments of the curriculum are still just elements of propaganda, that have been known to portray Joseph Stalin as a world-saving hero (who, albeit, didn’t look so great without a shirt) and FDR as a menace.
The deepest issue is perhaps, just perhaps, the issue of law. Since Vladimir Putin became President in 1999, and under his successor Dmitri Medvedev, Russia’s legal system has become the near antithesis of an independent judiciary. Many judges in Russia have no legal training, and have been appointed by Moscow for political expediency; this process has been facilitated even further through the government’s penchant for renewed centralization. Many of the judges go beyond corruption, and gorge themselves from the trough of the criminal oligarchy that has become extremely powerful. Interpol and other international law enforcement agencies have long considered the Russian Mafia to be the most powerful crime syndicate in the world. But, this is far more than the lack of a check on the executive, in stead, its means to an end; with the end point being, an extremely potent government apparatus. Russia’s government has seized private property, shut down business, and muscled out corporate leaders. In some cases these tactics have been employed on non-Russians. Whether or not the victims of the these practices were native, however, these high-handed tactics have driven out a lot of foreign direct investment; and when this trend is coupled with an extensive public sector dependent on petrol-dollars over-powering an organic private sector, there is enough kindling for a major crisis.
The truth is, without a stronger legal system, to serve as a counter-weight to the executive branch, and create a mechanism of recourse allowing for individuals and private groups (such as corporations) to stand up for themselves, Russia wont see economic diversification. Instead the Oligarchy of big, state-subsidized business will continue to run the show, and seeing as how this paradigm is increasingly exposed as limited in the long run, alterations are needed. Augmentation is required fast.
In all honesty, there is no hard evidence that Russian politicians are plotting to ban smiling. Yet, aside from satire, if Russian leaders are willing to engage some of the federal debaucheries that we have been watching for a decade, at least a few of them being offended by smiling seems somewhat in character. NATO countries have long been suspicious of Russia, and though there must be dialogue, there must also be vigilance. The old Cold Warrior has been blamed for cyber attacks against Estonia, they have at times shut off the flow of Oil and Natural Gas to Belarus and the Ukraine, and of course, they invaded Georgia just last year. This shows that the whims of Russia’s government are not likely to stay confined to their own boarders. If current trends continue economically and socially, Moscow may become even more unpredictable as their hand gets harder to play. As Condoleezza Rice put it, “The greatest threat from Russia, comes not from its strength, but from its weakness.”